 |
Spouse CallsJoin the conversation with Stripes columnist Terri Barnes, as she explores issues relevant to the lives of military spouses. |
Military childhood: A broader horizon
Posted April 26th, 2008 by Terri Barnes in
On one of those house-hunting TV shows, a celebrity I did not recognize found her dream house, a mansion on a California hilltop. She and her children stood on the tennis courts of their palatial home and surveyed the lights of Los Angeles.
“Look at all those lights,” she said to her two little girls. “From up here you can see all the friends you could ever have.”
In the military we may not have such luxurious digs, and military childhood certainly has its challenges. However, our children's horizons are more like the stars than the lights of any one city.
In a series about military childhood in Spouse Calls:
Click here for April 27 Click here for May 4
Hear from grown up children of the military, some of whom chose the military as adults also. How were their lives affected? What did their parents do to make military life bearable or not?
Can we apply those lessons to bringing up the current crop of military kids?
More information for and about “military brats”:
• “Military Brats: Life Inside the Fortress” a book by Mary E. Wertsch.
• “Brats: Our Journey Home.” You may have seen this documentary on AFN if you live overseas. A companion Web site offers a page of links and resources for past and present military kids, including alumni associations to schools attended by military kids.
• Operation Military Kids, an Army site focusing on the needs of current military kids.
• Comic strip: “Military Brats” by Steve Dickenson and Todd Clark. This comic strip used to appear in Air Force Times. It is no longer published there, but a book is available from Military Times publishing.
• “If you had it to do all over again, would you choose to be a military brat?” In a poll of grown military kids on militarybrats.com, most said “Yes!” See the poll here.
• More than 50 % of men who grew up in the military also joined as adults, according to a survey at the Military Brats Registry. Close to 10,000 brats have taken this survey. See complete results and add your answers here.
• What do Ryan O’Neal and Shaquille O’Neal have in common besides the obvious? Both made the “List of Famous Brats,” compiled by the American Overseas Historical Society. Read about notable people – from singer Christina Aguilera to NFL player Eric Zeir – who grew up in military or foreign service families.
Can I call you a brat?
I've asked that question of a lot of grown up military kids and have found very few who object to "brat-hood":
Doesn't bother me at all! I actually like it! It's "where I am from". I say it proudly because my dad served his country and I got to tag along for an experience of a lifetime!
Laurel Evans Riffey
Well, if it isn’t obvious, I’m pretty proud of being called a military brat. Like contestants on “Survivor,” military brats face some incredible moments that test wit and willpower. But I truly believe we’re stronger for it – that is, if we choose to be.
Robyn Chumley
It is an honor, and that is what I refer myself as. I either call myself a MILITARY BRAT or an AIR FORCE BRAT. I wouldn't trade my life as a BRAT for anything in the world. It has made me the person I am. And, for my dad letting us have this awesome life, I can't thank him enough.
Amy Shields
I think it is great. I love to tell people, because there are alot of us out there, and it is great to hear each other's stories.
Deena Pace-Shrein
Fine. Just don't call me an Army brat. My dad was in the "Chair" Force and don't you forget it.
Eric Bohnensteil
grownup MB
My Mom sent me this link and asked for my input. (Not sure if she meant to leave it here or just e-mail her... oh well.)
I loved growing up in the military! I think families that move together are stronger. They have to be a tight unit, at least until new friends are made each place they go. I loved meeting new people, being the new girl, all that.
I loved the safety of being on base... I didn't realize just how safe I was, until recently, as I try to raise my kids off base. I often wish I could just live on base without my husband or me actually having to have a military job. Anyway, all that said... here's the down side I see:
Saying I loved to be the new girl, was the truth, but it was also the problem. I was 'new' every where we went. I could make a fresh start, be someone different, and never really have to 'work it out' when problems pressed in, I could just 'go away'. It has been a real adjustment to be stuck in one place for almost 10 years now, and not able to just disengage. I'm learning how to really deal with hurts and hurting others. I can't just walk away. I will see these people again, and again, and again. My husband and I are both military brats, and to be quite honest, that 3 year itch... to move... to change friends, etc. has reared its ugly head more than a few times. We've also found that we're not as equipped to tell our kids how to handle their relationship problems. I've had urges to pull my daughter out of her school and put in her in a different one just to get her some better friends, but then I think of my own 'attachment issues' and I stop myself.
Don't get me wrong, I think that the military is a great place for making some very strong and lasting friendships. It provides a common bond... kind of like the friends you make at church, and just like the friends you meet at church, you always have a hope of seeing them again in the future at a new home.
the itch ...
Hi, Mikie!
I'm glad your mom sent you the link ... As a grown up military brat and now a military spouse for 23 years, I think about the "3-year itch" quite a bit. When we retire, how will I ever be able to choose a house knowing I could be stuck with it (and the neighbors) forever! That's a scary word for a nomad like me!
It's good to hear that you have taken being "stuck in one place" as a challenge to deal with relationships in a new way. Thanks for your comments and insights.
Terri