yeah, the calendar business is SO not on my radar. perhaps some of the spouses welcome the distraction of something else to target on or use the calendar issue to displace anger, frustration and such of deployment issues. just a thought.
i know during the deployment i was pretty much angry and uptight about most everything....someone parked too close to my car, the kids outside were too loud or better yet my neighbor was being too loud. (stairwell living can be oh so fun, *wink*) after the deployment i apologized to my neighbor for being so unrealistic on the noise issues and such. maybe some of the ladies that are being nasty to the calendar lady will come to that point to?

This message came to me via e-mail from a reader named Ann. She read the blog post, above, which also appeared in the Spouse Calls column on July 6, and sent this response:

I was reading the blog about the woman after 12 years of marriage divorced her husband because he came back from Iraq angry and mean. I know how she felt, mine came back the same way, nothing I did or said was good enough for him. He always had something nasty to say to me or the boys. One day he crossed the line, he put his hands on me. Two days in jail, $3500.00, and two months later he is attending Anger management classes, seeing a personnel counselor, we are in marriage counseling and he still apologizes. Everyone tells me to run, get out while I can, no forgiveness. But for most they do not understand why he is so angry and mean. He does not understand why he is so anger either. His counselor diagnosed him with PTSD and depression. He stopped drinking, that was only adding to the problems of him not being able to walk away. Even more important to it all he started talking to God again. The one thing that he stopped doing after his first tour to Iraq, was believe that he was no longer worthy of forgiveness and his actions would never be forgiven. We forget that the army takes our loved ones and turns them into mass murders, with no conscience or hope. We forget that they either find God or turn their backs on him. The become a large ball of anger and hate that only sleeps, eats, and does what it is told. They have no other way of living and forget that there is something other than War. I understand her pain and sorrow, if being with him is where she really wants to be, it is a long hard daily struggle. The understanding that you are not living with a normal person must always be up front. The understanding that change is hard for all of us, yet it must be all of us who changes. Everyday I walk in the door and the first thing that I do is hug him, kiss him and tell him how much I love him. If I see him getting frustrated or angry I immediately hug him, the power of a loved ones touch can change the world. He attends group every week and actively listens and talks. He shares a lot with me, but I know and now realize that he will never share Iraq with me. I do not ask either. I give him me time often just so he can have those moments of peace that he has only come to appreciate. We make sure that a discussion is a discussion, never an agruement. Most importantly I forgive him of his pass mistakes. I as a strong woman. As an Army Wife have learned that sometimes I need to only be strong when he cannot be. To admit fault when its mine, not to boost in his faults, to let the small things go, and above all forgive. I know this sounds strange to some people, but the life of Army wife is different than that of a civilian wife. Than when you add War into the mixture, it changes the rules even more. He will be leaving soon for Iraq again, they announced on the news that 1st and 2nd Brigade came up on orders to re-deploy. This will be his 3rd tour and my 2nd, but I have learned a lot from the first one that I will be bring with me to this one. Ann Dover

Mrs. Dover. I loved reading your post it really touched my heart. I wish me and my husbands marriage could have survived war it has survived so many other things after 18 years, he didnt join the military until he was 34 or 35 they sent him to Walter Reed with PTSD and he shut me out of his life and didn't want me no where around him. That was 16 months ago I was always there for him if he just need to call and talk but I never pressured him. I also told him when it was time for his transistion from Military life to civilian life my door was always open ( I thought he might need some familiarity, and he did, he stayed at my house for 3 weeks and then moved back where he is originally from. Not to mention during his time at Walter Reed he got a 24 year old girl pregnant, I can't have children and he knows the pain I feel but we don't talk about it I just feel as though I can't be a part of that part of his life it just hurts too much. But i am praying about it, who knows what the Lord has planned. I know the Lord knows how much I loved and still love my husband I think it is such a blessing to read a story like yours i wish mine could have ended like that. But I know without the Lords help I would have never gotten through this, He was my comforter because no one else not even family could understand what I or he was going through. Please go back to June or July last year i have alot of post and it kind of explains my story. God Bless you and yours. Shannon Williams

With the head of the family always away in military missions, the wife must always be there for everyone. It's very hard when children are involved. I always wanted to work, even after I had my first kid but with my husband away all the time I have to stay home. The marriage problems appeared, I'm always mad at him because he leaves all the problems for me to solve, I can't have a career, I have to take care of his parents as well as of mine. I love my husband and I do understand that his job is very important but I'd like some recognition now and then. Sometimes I feel that there's a greater war at our homes than in the world.