Terri Barnes

Spouse Calls

Join the conversation with Stripes columnist Terri Barnes, as she explores issues relevant to the lives of military spouses.

Inspiration and resolution

Posted December 30th, 2007 by Terri Barnes
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As military spouses, encouraging and helping each other is a very important ingredient in our community. Our choices also impact our families and the way they adapt and cope with our dynamic lives.

This week's Spouse Calls (click here to read) is about the wife of World War II hero Gen. Jimmy Doolittle. Josephine "Joe" Doolittle is remembered as a hero in her own right by her granddaughter, Jonna Doolittle Hoppes. Jonna told me about the ways her grandmother inspired her and many others.

How have you been affected by other military spouses in your life? Whose example do you follow in terms of your attitudes and actions?

Perhaps somone in your family, whether military or not, was an inspiration as Jonna's grandmother was to her. Tell us about it!

For more information:

ptsd

On January 1st, 2008 brie says:

I have a question. If anyone is familiar with ptsd. My boyfriend and I have been together for about three years. He returned from Iraq about a year and a half agao. He was always very loving and telling me how much h loved me and how beautiful I was. About 6 months after he returned, he bacame very very distant and started acting very cold towards me. At this time, he also started doing things that a man in a commited realtionship should not have done. He started going onto dating web sites. First it was out of boredom and curiosity, then it turned into something more. He put up a profile on one site...although he never paid or talked to anyone. After months of fighting about it, he admitted to me that he ONLY did it becaseu he was feelin very self conscious ans didnt knw why I was with him. He didnt think that any girl would find him attractiv or want to be with him especially someone as great as me...so he filled out a profile to see if any girls would even try to check him out. He swears he never wantd to cheat and only wanted an ego boost. He said that because of ptsd, he was feeling very self conscious and started to even doubt my love for him. I have been trying very hard to forgive him and forget about what he did, but it hurts so much that he did it. I'm not sure if I fully believe the whole PTSD thing. Does ptsd affect people so much that they would do something like this to boost their self esteem even if they are in a committed realtionship at the time. I love him so much but right now, he has moved out and I cant stop thiking about what he did. If anyone has any insigh, please help.

Reactions

On January 2nd, 2008 Terri Barnes says:

Dear Brie,

PTSD affects people in many ways, in some cases causing radical changes in their lives, decisions and reactions.

Only a professional could determine if your boyfriend's actions in this situation are caused by combat trauma or not. PTSD is not a general term, but is a specific diagnosis of an actual disorder.

Is he receiving or seeking treatment for PTSD? Does he have other symptoms not related to your relationship?

In this case, giving him some time and distance might be best. Regardless of his reasons, he is showing a great disregard for you and his relationship with you.

Lacking the ties of marriage or family, your best course of action would be to set the prerequisites of treatment and changed behavior before you continue or renew your commitment to him.

Only you can decide whether your trust in him is damaged beyond repair.

I hope you are able to find a resolution in this difficult situation. Please stay in touch. I hope others in similar situations will have insights for you also and will post them here.

Sincerely,

Terri