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Spouse CallsJoin the conversation with Stripes columnist Terri Barnes, as she explores issues relevant to the lives of military spouses. |
Life after the military
Posted January 30th, 2008 by Terri Barnes in
What will life be like after retirement? As one who grew up in the Air Force, I find it hard to imagine. Perhaps I'll experience culture shock beyond any I've found in our overseas tours.
This week's Spouse Calls (Click here to read) is a letter from a spouse who has encountered many difficulties on the road to retirement. Her experiences illustrate the need for planning and preparation when it's time for this major life change.
I have also received an update from her with some good news, although she has been disappointed in her overall experience.
Read on, and then share your thoughts about life after the military ...
Dear Terri,
Thank you for trying to help.You have been the only one, who was willing to listen and trying to help. But I don't think you really understand the problems of enlisted personnel.
The latest development: my husband cannot work anymore. They sent him home twice last week. He will get his surgery at the end of February. That gives him 30 days (instead of the 6 months he needs) to recover.
But we found a solution for this problem too. We move to Austria. I can work full time, my parents can help me with the children. (We can live there too) My country will provide health care for all of us. They do that, even though my husband and my children are not Austrian citizens. So after all, things are not so hopeless anymore.
Though it did hurt my husband, that being a war veteran and serving his country for 24 years does not count for anything anymore. Right now, everybody is talking about the Iraq veterans. A lot of people helping and caring. But what happens in 15 or 20 years? Will they be treated like the Gulf War or the Vietnam veterans today? Think about it.
Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read and answer my e-mail. I did not think, anybody would take the time to do so. -- NHF
Keep medical documents
I got this e-mail from Virginia, a California reader whose husband is retired from the Army.
She writes:
I read this column, and would suggest to this woman in particular that they get and keep copies of all his medical records before he separates, and then also contact the V.A. to begin the process of getting his medical issues "service connected." This can make a big difference down the road.
On retirement in general, one of the big issues for us was adjusting from having him gone a lot of the time to having him home most of the time. Not that I didn't love having him home, but it completely changed the family dynamics.
It's easier to adjust if you have it in your mind that the relationships in the family are going to change, and that that's normal and can even be very healthy. It's just unnerving.
Another issue is that for a soldier, the military isn't a job but an identity, so the adjustment takes a little time to move from soldier to civilian. Patience, patience, patience. And compassion. :)
Thanks, Virginia!