Life overseas is one of the nicest perks of military life, but can also be one of the toughest adjustments.
In the Nov. 1 Spouse Calls military spouses shared their advice about overseas life. The Nov. 8 column is all about getting there.
“We loved everything about living in Germany except being far from those we loved,” said Army wife Elisabeth Ridderhoff.
“We missed some American shopping and Chick-Fil-A, but that’s why you go home a few times. Being an ocean away from family was the hardest thing. When something went wrong here at home, it was very hard to be so far away and unable to help or be here.”
Tamra Honchul said having a child in college complicates moving to another country. I’m there too, so I have to agree this adds a whole new dimension to overseas life.
“The second time we moved overseas was the summer after our oldest graduated from high school,” Tamra said. “It was difficult not having him around and worrying about him being ‘all alone’ in the States."
"I soon realized that wasn't true and that the fact that he was a military kid helped,” she said. “He had friends in no time.”
Tamra, Elisabeth and other spouses discussed some of the difficult adjustments and gave their advice about life overseas:
Tamra: “It was also hard to adjust to the time difference when wanting to talk to family back in the states. This was hard on us only because family in the states would forget about the time change, and call us in the evening, which for us was the middle of the night!”
Elisabeth: “Prepare for the differences by accepting that they are there! Going to any other culture is not going to be the US. What amazes some people is that these other countries don’t want to be like the US. We have to stop thinking that everyone else has it wrong and we are the only ones who know how to live well. … You can adjust to not knowing the language and learning as much as you can to get out and travel and shop. You can always find food you like if you keep looking and trying new things. Be ready to feel overwhelmed with information and nervous driving, but know that if you just keep trying, it will feel totally normal in just a few months.
“The hardest adjustment was living off base and getting used to the isolation of being a foreigner in a foreign land. It took a while to not be afraid or nervous to talk to the Germans and not be embarrasses when we couldn’t speak the language or when we did something wrong. You apologize, laugh at yourself and learn!”
Sophie Spyrou Schneider, military wife and British citizen: “Well, I am overseas right now (in the U.S.) so I would say (it’s hard) living 6,000 from home and my friends and family and not being able to see them as often as I would like. I also miss the familiarity of British pubs and British food. I am not at all keen on the way immigrants are treated in America, even legal permanent residents such as myself, who went through so much to follow every legal channel to move here.
Returning to the U.S. life is a challenge, even for Americans.
Elisabeth (now back in the States): “What I wouldn’t do for a Jagerschnitzel or a Doner right now!”
“Moving back has been harder for all of us than we imagined. As much as you think you are coming home, suddenly home is not feeling like home. We have all grieved this move more than we imagined we would. Things have gone really well and we are very thankful for our situation here, but we long for so many things in Europe. After the slight isolation of living in a German neighborhood, it’s almost shocking to be back in an American one where everyone speaks your language. The slower pace of life in Germany, even in our American bubble in Ramstein, isn’t as noticeable until you get back into this pace here.”
Tamra: “Life tends to be more family oriented at overseas assignments, and not as fast paced,” she said.
Donna Burrill: “It was a bit difficult to adjust when I returned. It seemed like there were so many choices (in the U.S.) I loved the fact that the (overseas) community is very close-knit. You really are in the same boat. It's a tightness that you don't have at stateside bases.”
Life overseas is a memorable experience, and one I would not want to miss. It can be difficult, but we can help each other by sharing our experiences. Post your advice, insight or great memories here on the Spouse Calls blog.
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Dont you just get tired!
Ladies,
Don't you get tired of all the BS the Army likes to shovel out to us spouses? We may be home alone...but that doesn't make us helpless...are we only defined by what our husbands do...I hope not...We are strong women who take care of business while our husbands are gone and get no credit for it. Wives should get medals too...It isnt all about the men. And we girls need to realize this! So with saying that stay strong girls...We are more than just wives of guys in the Army
Mettle, not medals
I agree that military spouses are far from helpless, but I disagree with your assessment that we get no credit for what we do. I find many people -- both inside and outside the military -- have a high regard for the abilities and contributions of military spouses.
Medals, no we don't get those, but that kind of decoration is not our goal nor expectation. Our mettle is proven in the thousands of things we do every day as military spouses, whether at home or at work. Our greatest strength lies in our willingness to do what we do for those we love, with or without recognition.
Those accomplishments, from earning a second paycheck to caring for sick children to organizing the PTO, free our servicemembers to fulfill their obligations to our country. When we participate in this full partnership, we know the medals pinned to our loved ones' chests are placed on our hearts, and we can take pride in them.
Servicemembers who are wise and loyal realize this, and share credit, love and loyalty with the spouses who stand beside them at home and who are behind them when they are far away. When spouses recognize their mutual need for each other, no amount of shoveling can cover up their determination to serve.
Yes, you are independent and strong. You are an essential military resource. You are even more invaluable to your family. Don't listen to anyone who would deny it.
Medals, maybe not -- Mettle, in abundance!