As we get older and our parents age, we will someday be expected to return the favor of providing care for those who nurtured us in our early years.
I heard a few weeks ago from my good friend Lisa, who suggested that I write a column about the difficulty of caring for aging parents from a distance.
For military families this issue arises often as our parents grow older and we continue to travel around the country and the world.
Then just last week I heard again from Lisa, because of a health issue with her mom, who lives in Colorado while Lisa and her family are stationed in Virginia. My husband and I have also experienced this with my father-in-law during his last illness, while my husband was deployed and our family was (and still is) in Germany.
I would like to hear from readers on this issue. What have been your experiences, your difficulties and perhaps your solutions to the problems of taking care of aging or ill parents at long distance? How do you join with siblings to make decisions about long-term care or emergency health care?
Good the Bad and the Ugly of Care-giving while Serving
“Here I come to save the day” “It’s the government, no it’s the state, no it’s the “Sandwich generation”. Many of us are facing many challenges of rearing our children caring for our elderly parents and working in a demanding career. And that’s not enough; many of our elderly parents have debilitating diseases.
As a Soldier in an Army at war simultaneously caring for my dad, diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and raising children probably was the greatest challenge I ever faced.
If I wrote a book entitled the “Good the Bad and the Ugly of Care-giving while Serving “, the last chapter would read as follows:
Immediately returning from JRTC in preparation to deploy to Iraq, I picked up daddy from my short-term provider. A nursing home that provided short-term care to my dad. An agreement the facility and I worked out. Daddy seemed weak and feeble, so I brought him to the local hospital. The physician informed me that my father was in now in the last stage of Alzheimer and death was imminent. He informed me my father had a few weeks to a few months to live.
Five years prior when I heard similar words in regards to my mom; I thought there could be no greater pain. However; the pain of knowing I was losing my dad of whom I was directly responsible for as a caregiver was by far the worse. How could I leave him and attend JRTC? Maybe, I should have hung my boots and worked a 9-5. The guilt was tremendous and insurmountable. It hurt like hell.
During this time I was extremely blessed to work for a leader of leaders. LTC Michael Dillard encompassed all the Army leadership characteristics to include its latest addition empathy. LTC Dillard allowed me to care for my father during his last moments on earth and for that I will be forever grateful.
The Army’s greatest asset in its retention program is its leaders. After my father’s death I deployed to Iraq with a sense of duty, pride and honor. At this time I was no longer in contact with LTC Dillard, so I looked him up on AKO. I let my old battalion commander know that I could not thank him enough. An important responsibility I now hold near to my heart is to not only serve my country, but to serve those who serve.
Leaders and uplifters
Thanks for telling a little of your story, Claudette. It's uplifting to hear about from someone who has endured a difficult time with the help of encouraging people.
I hope we will hear from more military families in your situation. Perhaps there are those out there who need to hear an encouraging voice.
Terri