There's that point in a move when there is no light at the end of the tunnel -- at either end. It feels like the transition is endless: Can't remember when it started and can't project when it will be over. In some moves, this experience hits harder than others. This was one of those moves for me.
I almost didn't recognize myself in the middle of that dark tunnel. What happened to the "real" me, the one who knows everything will turn out right?
It's not the first time I've been there, but I hesitated even to write something from that place. I did it, in part, because I think some readers may recognize themselves in my description (Spouse Calls Sept. 13)and know they are not alone on this trip. I also did it because there was this deadline to meet ... and a sad story was all I had.
There is certainly a place for optimism, for making the best of whatever situation we are in as military spouses. There is also a place for admitting that this is no easy road. No matter how optimistic we are, we have to face the tough times and admit they are tough. Only then can we decide how each situation will shape us, and how we will shape our own surroundings.
On dark days, we can't "get over it" by pretending all is well. We can get through it by acknowledging the difficulty and moving forward. There really is no other direction for life.
So there's the me who sings "It's a Small World After All" and there's the me who sings the blues. Which one am I? Will the real me please stand up and get moving through this tunnel?
I think there is a light at the end of it.
Just enough light
Some of that light came in the form of e-mails from readers and friends, who read the Sept. 13 Spouse Calls and wrote to tell me that they understood.
Some said reading about my difficulties made them feel less alone. Sometimes we need permission not to love every minute of military life. Others wrote to assure me that things will get better. That's why we survive as military spouses, because we have help and encouragement -- from each other.
Real Me
I got a knot my stomach reading your Sept. 13th column. I've been married for 20 years to my Navy husband, and just when I
think I have it down, everything is running on auto pilot, and the move was "easy", I get hit by that sense of lonliness. It doesn't usually last long once I get involved in our new community, but it always temporarily returns...knowing I'll never have my best and favorite friends all in one place, or the closeness of friends living overseas and really knowing we can rely on each other. With that said, I still look forward to our future experiences and I cherish each new set of friends I make.
Thank you for your honesty!
Looking forward
Thanks so much for your message. It's good to know what I am feeling is common to many other military spouses. Judging by my mail after the Sept 13 column, it struck a chord with quite a few.
The Oct. 4 Spouse Calls will feature your post, along with more responses from readers. We're in this together, even if we live far apart.
Terri
Real Me
WOW! This email hit home with me today. We have recently PCS to England from Germany and I am once again wondering WHY ME? Where did I go? Amongst the boxes and organizing the house, taking kids to a new school, dinners, etc I am leaving behind a wonderful job. I try and remind myself it is not about "me" and my career yet I had one and miss it terribly. So here I sit in the house being a housewife - which is as foreign to me as going to a new country. I am trying to make my mark in England but once again I am starting at the bottom of people who are all ready here and established and YOUNGER! You would think after 22 years of this I would adjust. And of course I always do - I wouldn't be here if I didn't. I know how fortunate I am to have the opportunity to live this life. I just think it is good to have a sound off board of other wives/spouses who are in the tunnel with us. I will walk with you thru the tunnel and just about the time we are out - we could be mvoing again. Thanks for your article - it made me smile!
Likewise!
Your comment made me smile also ... a reminder of one of the many things that make this military life not just bearable, but worthwhile: our friends. When I think of the people I never could have met if I had not made some of these painful moves and adjustments, I know it's all worth it. Already, I'm supported and encouraged by women who have known me for only a few weeks -- here at my new home.
My friends, old and new -- and messages like yours -- make my day.
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