Terri Barnes

Spouse Calls

Join the conversation with Stripes columnist Terri Barnes, as she explores issues relevant to the lives of military spouses.

Reaching across the barriers

Many are suffering and in need. Help is available and waiting, but the delivery system isn’t running smoothly for everyone. Those in need and those offering help sometimes find themselves on opposing sides, even as one side attempts to reach out and help the other.

This could describe the desperate situation in Haiti, but the scenario is also reminiscent of military individuals and families suffering with post-traumatic stress disorder, even as the Department of Defense mounts campaigns of education, identification and treatment. (See the Jan 31 Spouse Calls.)

Warrior's reward: Remembering my dad

Warrior's reward: Remembering my dad

A conversation with Sally Drumm, retired Marine, writer and editor of MilSpeak: Warriors, Veterans, Family and Friends Writing the Military Experience, provided the starting point for a remembrance for my father, MSgt Jimmie Hurley (USAF Ret.) "Peace Stories," Spouse Calls Jan. 24.

New PTSD posts hard to locate

Sheryl, an Army wife, told the story of her familiy's battle with PTSD on the Spouse Calls blog. I excerpted it for the Jan. 17 Spouse Calls column, particularly because Sheryl's focus, in her own words is: "... to speak out and make the military listen to me. I don’t want this to happen to another family, and I will do what I can to speak up, speak out loud and try and make it better for those who are behind me." I am pleased to amplify her voice.

Another blogger, also affected by PTSD, emailed recently that she was having a hard time finding new posts on the Spouse Calls blog. There are many posts on those threads, and there is a glitch which can make them difficult to find.

True life, true words

Most of what I write finds a basis in my own life, as a wife, mom, member of a military family, daughter and friend.

I am amazed, however, at how often my writing is re-echoed in events that were yet to come when the words left my keyboard. Last month I wrote about life, death and the hope I find in faith inspite of things I can't explain (Spouse Calls, Dec. 20.) I also wrote here on the blog about finding beauty in spite of life's many imperfections. (Bipolar Express.)

Many of my words came back to me on the last day of the old year, when I received news from home that my father had been killed in a car accident.

Bipolar express: Beauty with rough edges

The big train glided out of the station. I waved and smiled from the platform. My son was headed out to see friends in another city. Although he would only be gone a few days, I was sad as the train pulled away. I wished that our whole family could take the trip to see friends from a past assignment, but circumstances intervened. School, work, and life go on even during the holidays. I knew he would have a wonderful time seeing his high school friends during his college break, and I would see him again in two days.

The gift of reading

I think books are among the best gifts any time. The Dec. 13 Spouse Calls column includes my picks for some of the best books to give as gifts for military families and friends.

Naturally, there are more than space allowed me to list, so here are some more great books for military spouses and families:

Special Deliveries

No matter what your faith or background, it seems there is a holiday to be celebrated in the next few weeks. My family celebrates Christmas in a big way, with affirmations of our faith, time with family and friends, and all our favorite foods. For the friends who are too far away to join our celebrations, we send lots of cards and packages.

Speaking of jobs ...

Janet Farley survived her husband’s Army career with her own career intact. In fact, her professional life thrived, and she has helped other spouses with their careers. Janet is the author of three books about careers for military family members, and is a career consultant.

Janet also writes a regular column for Stars and Stripes called “JobTalk,” and shared some of her career insights for the Nov. 29 Spouse Calls.

In spite of the challenges, Janet said military spouses do have many opportunities.

“Today, spouses have so many more options available to them than they did just a mere ten or fifteen years ago,” she said.

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About the Author

Terri Barnes is a writer, a military wife and mother of three. Her column for military spouses, "Spouse Calls," appears each Sunday in Stars and Stripes and on stripes.com. She and her family live in Ramstein, Germany. Write to her at spousecalls@stripes.com.

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